Wednesday, June 14, 2006
i'm abit cranky today.
just wanna hang out with my friends but then they didn't want to. and i began to miss my sec skool friends and i'm questioning our friendships. i felt so crappy.sorry. but this might hurt a little so ignore it if u don't wanna read on.
i miss the friendships i had my sec skool friends. platonic friendships, normal friendships, on and off friendships throughout the 4 years. i've known like sooo much of you guys. esp You and Joram as well. got to know u like... sec 1. after band camp. yeap. and we're comfortable in talking. hoped to be classmates in sec 3 and our wishes came through. ahaha. still remember the disappointment u had as u actually wanted to stay in the 1st class? but this turned out differently after we've known each other for 2 and a half years. i got pissed off by u most of the time and i hated u. and i guess i'm really weird because i get piss of by good friends. however, u're good at ignoring my out-rages and our friendship managed to last for 4 years. i'm very happy with u being open about urself. i got to know ur likes and dislikes, ur eating habits, almost ur whole life. ahaha. but there are certain things u don't know about me because i didn't tell u my deepest secrets. not bgr definitely, because i told almost everyone about it. it's about my family members that i didn't tell u about. i felt ashamed about it. but now i managed to talk to open myself in such things. but i find u soo wrong when it comes to predicting my pmses. ahaha. i am emotional alright, but i'm not pmsing all the time ok?
thank God for the times we met up this year. if our friendship lasts till i get married, i will get u to be my jie mei- to help me to disturb the guys. ahaha. i guess i'll leave the bridesmaid part to my sis unless she doesn't wanna be. i remembered going to your house before u move to changi. i miss those times i had dinner with u, played the piano with u to practice our mallet parts doing things that we shouldn't do like
photocopying scores and keeping it in our files that we've bough especially for. went even to the temple that u go with ur parents. and... i went against my God because i was still young and didn't know about it. i wonder y u hate going to ur temple so much when i love going to my church to worship my God. oh wells, but for me, i love going to church because i love my Lord, and i love worshipping Him because he DIED for me. this relationship that i had with my God is ever so near and wonderful, always there to listen to me, though i always didn't turn to Him. not that we christians want to force u to believe in Christ, but i guess i was soo pissed off with u the other time that i couldn't care less and just heck it and started suaning u with all sorts of things. i know u're hurt definitely deep down but u could actually put these aside. (: i'm really glad. i think it should be the other way round instead. haha.oh wells, forgive me then. i hope there aren't unhappiness about this issue anymore. i learn alot from u and Joram too. haha just that Joram's one was in lower sec and he's good in entertaining me throughout my 4 years in bowen. (:
i forgot how we actually got that close, i guess it's because of we're in the same religion. and he's always there to talk to, to laugh with, to eat with, to play with etc. ahaha. and he shared about his bgr to me on his own accord. (: still rememeber him plonking down beside me to talk and listen to music when we we're waiting for the next teacher to come in. well, i felt jealousy as well. in sec 3, when we're in a new class. not that kind of bgr jealousy, but the i-felt-like-someone-stole-my-best-friend kinda feeling. but i realised that he will mixed around with other people as well, and u know, he prefer mixing with girls in our class. not that he's a flirt though. (: but after that we're still good friends. ahaha. he still talked to me. but sec 4, we're exceptionally close i guess, so close until u guys said that we're together. but thank God u didn't bother about it after u know who both of us really liked. only sec 4 that our close friends actually said that we might be together?? no way man!! definitely will not! haha. of course not only in sec 4 then pple say lah. sec 1 and 2 also got people say, but it's people in the boy's brigade. and we managed to stay cool and not like each other, unlike other guys. that is why i really think this platonic friendship is so special to me because i have not yet experience such friendships in primary school esp with guys. (: and we met up on monday with Eling. (: had fun (: haha he even went to the 2D chalet! ahaha. oh... an i still remembered how much we really communicated outside school. ahaha. on the phone, only 2 hrs plus. he called once, in sec 1 and in sec 2 then after that, only through msn and smses. soo funny. oh wells. went to his church like twice only. yea. and i miss u too. i miss u of those times that we spend together, times that we study together, when u came to my house and forced me to memorise chem, to read extracts from the chinese novels, u inspiring me to love books, u to give advice, to listen to me rant. we almost did everything together. that's what i missed about you, because i've yet to find someone like u in MI.
u're unique alright. i miss you because i can't find someone who could ignore me like u do. all i get is people flaring up at me for my flaring up at them. and i always get the feeling of jeopardy in my new friendships. u're always the one that gets left out in gossips and now I am the one who's left out. and i HATE people who give false promises and couldn't make up their mind on things. yeap. i found Wei Long as my another good guy friend, but i guessed i kind of psychoed him into being my platonic friend. i guessed it's kind of quick too though. it's only like 3 months? i dun believe plationic friendships occur so quickly. but oh wells. i dun bother. i shall just fill in time so that it'll look like a platonic friendship. haha. but we're not as close as like Joram and i. i feel so lost because studying in MI always had me to giving but not taking. i always find myself answering questions on homework and studies, but i have no one at all to seek help for. sometimes i feel like being selfish, to keep my knowledge to myself. i can mix around alright, make friends, but i seek to have a really close friend. not just someone to hang around with and have fun and gossip. and sad to say, but i HATE people who tag along only if the other party is coming. sorry, but if u know who u are, that's how i feel about u. oh. and i have a friend who's looks as if to have transportation problems. it's looks so inaccesible. and nobody ever wanna go out. :( study all u want though. maybe i'm not sensitive enough or maybe i'm biting already, or maybe i'll be retained in year one. i'm not all that smart-ass u know for your infomation. and i cherish friendships. i guess only if we ever part i'll learn to cherish you guys. and i guess we'll only be close if we go through struggles. all these that are happening doesn't seem to lead to a promising friendship 3 years later though. i wonder if we'll ever meet after we graduate? i'm so sorry the ending of this post turned out like this. but i'm here to tell u that i'm not someone who's into the rat race. i prefer the slow and steady lifestyle of the past, where u got loads of time to do whatever u want. and i am still as practical in life. i still do what i'm supposed to do. i wonder what u guys really want in life.
6/14/2006 10:51:00 PM
